Sunday, October 2, 2011

Guest Post: Ridiculous Products For Ridiculous Parents


This guest post is brought to you by Holly from Holly's House-NOT a Perfect Mom's Blog


I get it, we all want the best for our kids...I certainly do. But really, sometimes there are some crazy parents that go a bit overboard...and I'm not just talking about the parents who refuse to let their kids ride the bus* or parents that still wipe their ten year old's butt. No, I'm talking about seriously crazy, ridiculous parents...

Parents who would buy these items...

Are you freaking serious Mom?
1. The No Shock Baby and Toddler Safety Helmet. Yes. People buy these. Yes, that's people, as in plural. There are enough parents out there who are so scared of little Matthew bumping his noggin on the coffee table they've decided to make him wear protective headgear. I bet that son will never be playing soccer or football or croquet... I'm going to guess Mom and Dad will put him in something less dangerous, like flower arranging...

 
2. Baby Knee Pads. Yes, they're in the same category as the helmets. Okay, listen up everyone...I have some very important information to share. Your baby is going to fall. Your baby is going to scrape her knees and bump his head and get bruised up. There will be blood. There will be tears. You absolutely can not wrap your child in bubblewrap and think they will have a normal childhood...believe me, I know....I tried to do it with the first one...and therapy? is really expensive...


Could this be any more disgusting?
3. The Nosefrida Snot Sucker. It's a manual snot sucker...you know, because using the regular one isn't traumatizing enough for both of you, now you're supposed to suck the snot out of your baby's nose...just you, a long tube, and your mouth. Ew...

4. Baby Designer Anything. If I don't drape myself in Gucci then I'm definitely not getting my baby a Louis Vuitton rattle or a pair of Kate Spade kitten heels. And yes, I do see parents dressed head to toe in Wal-Mart's finest while little Susie is decked out like Apple. Um no, if anyone in the house is going to be wearing $150 pants, it's going to be the person that doesn't crap in their pants...

5. The Wipes Warmer. I realize some people absolutely wouldn't dream of not using one and I don't get why. No baby has ever perished from using a room temperature wipe. We adults don't wipe our butts with warmed up toilet paper, and I don't think any of us want to. Seriously, I can think of way better baby items to spend $24.99 on, like, uh, diapers. Believe me, it's a huge waste of a purchase...

There you have it...a list of items not to buy...because if I see your kid wearing a helmet that's not intended to correct plagiocephaly, I may** have to laugh at you. You've been warned...

*which refers to everyone except me, because my kids? are never going to ride the bus...they are far too precious...but please, put your kids on, because really? you're clogging up car line...

**read: will most definitely


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25 comments:

Moonglow283 said...

we bought a wipes warmer for a quarter at a garage sale. i didn't even plug it in until we started using cloth diapers and cloth wipes, and it has proved very useful with the cloth wipes!

Lori A. said...

I got a wipes warmer with my first child. That thing was way more trouble than it was worth. I didn't want to leave the darn thing plugged in all the time because I was sure it would start a fire (lol). So what was the point? I wasn't going to make my baby sit there in her own nastiness and wait for it to warm up. Total waste.

Runningmama said...

Oh, how.true.this.is! You are so right about the $150 pants and of course the snot sucker...the original ones are gross enough, you couldn't pay me enough to use my mouth to suck snot out of my child's nose!

Broot said...

Amazing how humanity survived for so many years without all that stuff, eh!! My kids didn't have them and ya know, they look okay to me. :)

Jena said...

I actually think the snot sucker sounds like a sensible alternative to the squeeze bulb snot suckers hospitals give parents. It's not like this new one has you sucking the snot into your mouth--it's just your mouth providing the suction. (I can't stand the typical kind. I think our attempts to use it totally traumatized my daughter.)

Camilleta said...

I agree, a lot of parents go overboard... I never saw the need for all the extra items. I wish I had a wipe warmer with my daughter though. When she was a baby, it was freezing cold, in the middle of winter. My mom's house would never warm up completely no matter how high the heat was turned up and I used to warm the wipes in my hands first. But yeah, other than that... I'm right there with ya!

Crittle said...

Yo. That snot sucker. So gross in theory. So awesome in real life. I love that nasty little thing. And you, too, H. Keep representing!

Tiffany said...

So ridiculous!!! Only a new Mom would buy these before they knew better!!

Boobies said...

I'm proud to say I've never purchased any of the above. The snot sucker pretty much made me throw up in my mouth though!

Sara said...

I've never bought any of the above, either. And I 100% agree that the snot sucker is vomit-inducing.

Christa aka The BabbyMama said...

I am SO with you on the wipe warmer. I had a friend who was obsessed with hers. Swore it was the best thing ever. And she used cloth wipes. Personally, I swore it was probably the germiest thing ever. Seriously, wet cloth sitting toasty warm all day. Germorama.

celebrie2 said...

I'm so glad that they didn't these thing when I had my kids (my1st baby will be thirty in 2 weeks, yikes) cuz I might have spent my food money on some knee pads and helmet- NOT!! How did we in the "old days" manage to raise our kids without all this crap our babies are now buying.My daughter had a baby in July and has a wipe warmer, I so laughed at her when she wanted me to use it!

And the snot sucker I agree... vomit-inducing!!

Rachel's Giveaways said...

I'm a NICU nurse and see many things that seem frivolous to me, like bedazzled custom pacifiers that the baby undoubtedly is going to drop on the floor a million times. That snot sucker though? Takes the cakes. eww!

susie said...

who would think...I had to subscribe to your blog after reading this:)laughter is the best...

sueparks2003 said...

I have had 4 children and cared for many others without any of these products or a lot of the others that hadn't been invented yet! Guess what we all survived! lol I'm sure you knew that -
Gladys P

Alisha L (Just My Everyday Life) said...

I just want to give you personal experience on the NoseFrida snot sucker. Yes, I myself thought it was gross at first, but decided to order it when my youngest was an infant and got her first cold. Let me just say that it is the most amazing product ever.
She would scream bloody murder every time she saw the regular squeeze bulb, and since that one had to be inserted into her nostril, and she would squirm, it actually made her nose bleed one time.
The NoseFrida has a 6" 'vessel' in which the snot gets sucked into, and a 12" tube with a filter where the tube meets the vessel. The snot goes NOWHERE near your mouth at all, it didn't even make it into the tube at all.
It doesn't go into the child's nose at all, but rather on the outside of the nostril, and with your sucking, you can get way more of the boogies out in one try, rather then numerous tries with the normal one.
After I started using it, I will not use a traditional one again, not only for my children's sake, but for the sake of my ears :)

Rachel said...

The NoseFrida is MUCH less traumatic and less "gross" than you think. You don't stick it IN the child's nose, like traditional ones so it doesn't CAUSE them to produce MORE mucus (like the traditional ones). Your mouth provides the suction but there is a disposable filter and the whole thing is able to be cleaned so much more thoroughly than a bulb-style so it's more hygienic too, not to mention how much more efficient it is!

Leanne said...

Lol! This cracks me up. I baby-sit for a family that has the wipes warmer, and I actually really like it! Especially when it is freezing out. It makes diaper changing slightly less traumatizing. ;-)

Not a Perfect Mom said...

Thanks for all of your comments! You guys are the best...and for all of you Nosefrida Snot Sucking Mamas...more power to you!
and maybe a wipes warmer if you live in cold weather...maybe...a very slight maybe...like maybe if you live in the North Pole...ha!

liz said...

What people waste their money on.

swedEnesefamily said...

I think some of them are okay. Some are just laughable but someone put money into producing it....

latanya said...

We never bought any of these items either. As a new parent, you may think you need all of these things, but you really don't need them.

LiliumHigh said...

I had actually never heard of any of these products, except the wipes warmer. Thanks for the comic relief. :D

Shantel said...

I actually love the shot sucker also lol

My Mercurial Nature said...

Okay, that snot sucker almost made me puke! I'm going to have nightmares about that. Gag.